Smart Parrot

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch.

"It doesn't have ny feet or legs!" the guy says aloud. "What happened to this parrot?"

The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy crap," the guy replies, "you actually understood and answered me!"

"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird."

"Oh, yeah?" the guy asks. "Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"

"Well," the parrot replies, "this is very embarrassing but, since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hoo. You can't see it because of my feathers."

"Wow!" says the guy. "You really can understand and speak English, can't you?!"

"Actually," answers the parrot, "I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."

The guy looks at the $200 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that."

"Pssssssst," says the parrot. "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me because I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20, just make the guy an offer!"

The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.

Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor; he's interesting; he's a great pal; he understands everything; he sympathizes and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.

One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes, "Psssssssst!" and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."

"What are talking about?" asks the guy.

"Well," replied the parrot, "when the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nighty and kissed him passionately."

"WHAT!???" the guy asks incredulously. "THEN what happend?"

"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nighty," reported the parrot.

"Oh no!" the man exclaims. "Then what?"

"Then he got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over, starting with her breasts and slowly going down ..."

"WELL," demands the frantic guy, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"

"Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!"