Sunday, October 17, 2010

Marry an Accountant

A patient was at her doctor's office after undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor said, "I have some very grave news for you. You only have six months to live."

The patient asked, "Oh doctor, what should I do?"

The doctor replied, "Marry an accountant."

"Will that make me live longer?" asked the patient.

"No," said the doctor, "but it will SEEM longer."

Thursday, October 14, 2010

New Teacher

A new teacher thought she would use what she learned in her psychology courses. She said to her class, “Everyone who thinks they are stupid, please stand up.”

After a few seconds, one boy stood. “Do you think you’re stupid?” she asked.

“No, ma’am, but I just didn’t want you to have to stand there all by yourself.”

Monday, October 11, 2010

The Code Of Silence

Sister Mary Katherine decided to enter a convent with a code of silence.
When she arrived, the Mother Superior explained to her, "Sister, this is a silent convent. You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until directed to do so."

Sister Mary Katherine lived in the monastery for 5 years before the Mother Superior said to her, "Sister Mary Katherine, you have been here for 5 years. You may speak two words."
Sister Mary Katherine said, "Hard bed."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said the Mother Superior, "We will get you a better bed."

After another 5 years, Sister Mary Katherine was again summoned by the Mother Superior. "You may say another two words, Sister Mary Katherine."
"Cold food," said Sister Mary Katherine, and the Mother Superior assured her that the food would be better in the future.

On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Mother Superior again called Sister Mary Katherine into her office. "You may say two words today."
"I quit," said Sister Mary Katherine.
"It's probably best," said the Mother Superior. "You've done nothing but bitch since you got here."

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Entitled To One Phone Call

Two teenagers were arrested for public lewdness and possession of marijuana when they were found naked, enjoying a joint on the edge of the fountain in the town square.

The arresting officer, unable to reach either parent, gave them one phone call.

A half hour later, a man entered the station.

The sergeant said, "I suppose you're the kids' lawyer?"

"Nope," the chap replied. "I'm just delivering their pizza!"


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