Asking For A Raise

An employee sent her boss an email asking for a raise:

"Dear Bo$$,
In thi$ life, you $hould under$tand of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given you $o much $upport. I'm $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.
$incerely your$,
$u$ie."

Her boss immediately hit Reply and typed:

"Dear Susie:
I kNOw you work very hard, but you must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well NOw the papers say the world's leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if we're headed for aNOther recession. And, after the NOvember elections, things may turn worse.. I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.

Yours truly,
NOrm"

Higher Prices

There were two grocers, Smith and Jones, in the same street. Smith had a sign in his window, "Avocados, 20 pence a pound". A woman goes in and asks for some. "Sorry love", said Smith, "I haven't got any in just now; come back on Wednesday".

So she goes on up the street to Jones. But his avocados are 2 pounds-fifty a pound! But at least he has them in stock.

"That's a bit steep isn't it? Smith's are only 20 pence a pound".

"Yeah", says Jones, "and when I haven't got any in stock, mine also are only 20 pence a pound!"

Paying in Advance

A motorist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth.

"Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher. "But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I'm out."

The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer.

"Here," he said, "is the check for $900. It's postdated six years from now."

Float Alone

The banker fell overboard from a friend's sailboat.

The friend grabbed a life preserver, held it up, not knowing if the banker could swim, and shouted, "Can you float alone?"

"Obviously," the banker replied, "but this is a heck of a time to talk business."