A redneck brings his daughter to the gynecologist for birth control pills.
The Doctor asks, "Is your daughter sexually active?"
The redneck says, "Naw, she just lays there like her mother.”
Showing posts with label Rednecks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rednecks. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Sexually Active
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Redneck Etiquette Tips
Dating:
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."
3. Establish, with her parents, what time she is expected back. Some will say 10 p.m.; others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
Theater Etiquette:
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.
2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.
Weddings:
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
Driving Etiquette
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tire always has the right of way.
3. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
4. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
5. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."
3. Establish, with her parents, what time she is expected back. Some will say 10 p.m.; others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
Theater Etiquette:
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.
2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.
Weddings:
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
Driving Etiquette
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tire always has the right of way.
3. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
4. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
5. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
We Are Drinking
Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.The passenger, Bubba,
said "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a poll-ice roadblock. We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!"
"Don't worry, Bubba", Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the label and
stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat."
"What?," asked Bubba. "Just let me do the talkin', okay?", said Earl.
They finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat, and each put a label on their forehead. When
they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?"
"No, sir", said Earl. "We're on the patch!"
said "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a poll-ice roadblock. We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!"
"Don't worry, Bubba", Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the label and
stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat."
"What?," asked Bubba. "Just let me do the talkin', okay?", said Earl.
They finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat, and each put a label on their forehead. When
they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?"
"No, sir", said Earl. "We're on the patch!"
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