To Kill A Bee

One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming “Oh my god, help me, there’s a bee in my vagina!” The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation.

The doctor thought for a moment and said “Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit.” The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife’s vagina. The doctor said “OK, what I’m gonna do is rub some honey over the top of my penis and insert it into your wife’s vagina. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my penis I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my penis out of your wife’s vagina. The husband nodded and gave his approval. The young lady said “Yes, Yes, whatever, just get on with it.”

So the doctor, after covering the tip of his penis with honey, inserted it into the young lady’s vagina. After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, “I don’t think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should go a bit deeper.” So the doctor went deeper and deeper. After a while the doctor began shafting the young lady very hard indeed.

The young lady began to quiver with excitement. She began to moan and groan aloud. The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself, he then put his hands on the young lady’s breasts and started making loud noises. The husband at this point suddenly became very annoyed and shouted, “Now wait a minute! What the Hell do you think you’re doing?” The doctor, still concentrating, replied, “Change of plan. I’m gonna drown the bastard!”

Singing In The Shower

A sex therapist was having lunch with Mick.
"I just read a survey that said 90% of adults masturbate in the shower; the other 10% sing," said the therapist.
"Really?" asked Mick.
The therapist nodded and asked, "Do you know what song they sing?"
Mick shook his head, "No."
"I thought you wouldn't!" said the therapist.

Revenge Is Sweet

An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients.

As he approached the receptionist's desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler.

He gave her his name.

In a very loud voice, the receptionist said,
"YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"

All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man.

He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, "NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS."

The waiting room erupted in applause!

A Hot Day

It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy intersection.

Traffic quickly piled up in all directions, so a woman rushed to help him.

When she knelt down to loosen his collar, a man emerged from the crowd, pushed her aside, and said, "It's all right honey, I've had a course in first aid."

The woman stood up and watched as he took the ill man's pulse and prepared to administer artificial respiration.

At this point she tapped him on the shoulder and said, "When you get to the part about calling a doctor,I'm already here."

My Own Funeral

A famous heart specialist doctor died and everyone was gathered at his funeral. A regular coffin was displayed in front of a huge heart.

When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed.

Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing.
The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"

"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.

"What's so funny about that?"

"I'm a gynecologist."

Nice House

A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches

A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement.

'Listen,' says the Doc, 'I have migraines, too and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little.

Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks.'

Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. 'Doc! I took your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!'

'Well,' says the physician, 'I'm glad I could help.'

'By the way, Doc,' the patient adds, 'You have a REALLY nice house.'

An Ailing Child

The young lady entered the doctor's office carrying an infant.

"Doctor," she explained, "the baby seems to be ailing. Instead of gaining weight, he lost three ounces this week."

The medic examined the child and then started to squeeze the lady's breasts. He then unbuttoned her blouse, removed the bra and continued his exam.

"Young lady," he finally announced, "no wonder the baby is losing weight, you haven't any milk!"

"Of course not!" she replied. "It's not my child, it's my sister's!"

The Faith Healer

Two women were sitting in the doctor's waiting room comparing notes on their various disorders.
"I want a baby more than anything in the world," said the first, "but I guess it is impossible."
"I used to feel just the same way," said the second, "but then everything changed. That's why I'm here. I'm going to have a baby in three months."
"You must tell me what you did," said the first woman.
"I went to a faith healer."
"But I've tried that" said the first woman. "My husband and I went to one for nearly a year and it didn't help a bit."
The other woman smiled and whispered, "Next time, dear, try going alone."

Real Problem

One afternoon, a man went to his doctor and told him that he hasn't been feeling well lately. The doctor examined the man, left the room, and came back with three different bottles of pills.

The doctor said, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you wake up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after you eat lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water."

Startled to be put on so much medicine, the man stammered, "Jeez Doc, exactly what is my problem?"

The doctor replied, "You're not drinking enough water."

Football Pool

Grandma was nearly ninety years of age when she won 1,000,000 pounds on the football pools. Her family were extremely worried about her heart and feared that news of her large win would come as too much of a shock for her.

'Think we had better call in the doctor to tell her the news,' suggested the eldest son.

The doctor soon arrived and the situation was explained to him.

'Now, you don't have to worry about anything,' said the doctor. 'I am fully trained in such delicate matters and I feel sure I can break this news to her gently. I assure you, there is absolutely no need for you to fear for her health. Everything will be quite safe if left to me.'

The doctor went in to see the old lady and gradually brought the conversation around to football pools.

'Tell me,' said the doctor, 'what would you do if you had a large win on the pools - say one million pounds?'

'Why,' replied the old lady, 'I'd give half of it to you, of course.'

The doctor fell down dead with shock.

Stern Nurse

An older gent had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients.

The old gentleman approached the receptionist desk. The receptionist was a large imposing woman who looked like a wrestler. He gave her his name.

In a very loud voice the receptionist said, "Yes, I see your name here. You want to see the doctor about impotence, right?" The heads of all the patients in the waiting room snapped around, to look at the very embarrassed man.

The old gent recovered quickly though, and in an equally loud voice replied, "No, I've come to inquire about a sex change operation... And, I'd like the same doctor that did yours!"

Four-Letter Surgery

Jerry is recovering from day surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling.

"I'm OK but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery," he answered.

"What did he say," asked the nurse.

"OOPS!"

Drop Dead Gorgeous

As men age, we start seeing more of the medical world, which nowadays seems to include an increasing number of women as our physicians and therapists. And in my case, a new urologist. My family doctor recently referred me to a just out of medical school female urologist. I saw her yesterday, and she's absolutely drop-dead gorgeous as well as unbelievably sexy.

She told me that I must stop masturbating. I asked her why.

She said, "Because I'm trying to examine you...."

I Stareted It All

When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the psychiatrist began his therapy session, "I'm not aware of your problem," the doctor said. "So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning."

"Of course." replied the patient. "In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth..."

First Operation

"Why are you so excited?", the surgeon asked the patient that was about to be anesthetized.

"But doc, this is my first operation."

"Really? It's mine too, and I am not excited at all."

Relevant Advice

George looked worried when the doctor asked if anything was troubling him.

"Well, to tell you the truth, Doc, yes," answered George. "I seem to be getting forgetful. I can't remember where I put the car, or whether I answered a letter, or where I'm going, or what I was going to do once I get there -- if I get there! I need help. What should I do?"

The doctor replied in his kindest tone, "Pay me in advance!"

Or What?

A man comes to his doctor and tells him that his wife doesn't want
to have sex with him for the last 7 months. The doc tells the man
to bring his wife in so he can talk to her. So the wife comes
into the doctors office and the doctor asks her whats wrong and
why doesn't she want to have sex with her husband anymore. The
wife tells him, "For the last 7 months every morning I take a cab
to work. I dont have any money.

The cab driver asks me, "So are you going to pay today or what"?

"So I take a 'or what'". When I get to work I'm late so the boss
asks me, "So are we going to write this down in the book or
what"?

"So I take a 'or what'". Back home agian I take the cab and again
I don't have any money so the cab driver asks me again, "So are
you going to pay this time or what"?

"So again I take a 'or what'". So you see doc when I get home I'm
all tired out, and I don't want it any more."

The doctor says, "So are we going to tell your husband or what"?

First Contraceptive

The doctor was lecturing a class on sex. He asked, "Do you know what the first oral contraceptive was?"

A coed said, "No"

The doctor said, "Exactly!"

Losing His Mind

The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was to ask whether anything was troubling him.

"Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes," answered the patient. "You see, I seem to be getting forgetful. No, it's actually worse than that. I'm never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether I answered a letter, or where I'm going, or what it is I'm going to do once I get there -- if I get there. So, I really need your help. What can I do?"

The doctor mused for a moment, then answered in his kindest tones, "Pay me in advance."

Really Sick

A fellow was sitting in the doctor's waiting room, and said to himself every so often, "Lord I hope I'm sick!"

After about the 5th or 6th time, the receptionist couldn't stand it any longer and asked, "Why in the world would you want to be sick Mr. Adams?"

The man replied, "I'd hate to be well and feel like this."