Singing In The Shower

A sex therapist was having lunch with Mick.
"I just read a survey that said 90% of adults masturbate in the shower; the other 10% sing," said the therapist.
"Really?" asked Mick.
The therapist nodded and asked, "Do you know what song they sing?"
Mick shook his head, "No."
"I thought you wouldn't!" said the therapist.

Real Men Eat Quickies

A man is seated in a restaurant where all the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt, and with legs that won't quit, comes to his table.

"What would you like, sir?" she asks.

He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame, top to bottom, and says, "A quickie."

She walks away in disgust.

After regaining her composure, she returns. "What would you like, sir?"

Again the man thoroughly checks her out. "A quickie, please."

Her anger takes over. She slaps him across the face with a resounding "SMACK" and storms away.

At that moment, a man sitting at the next table leans over and says, "Um, I think it's pronounced 'quiche'."

Waiting

"What? You say you love her, and yet, when you saw her with another man, you did nothing?"
"I'm waiting," said Paddy.

"Waiting for what, Paddy?"

"Waiting to catch her with a smaller guy!"

How did the human race come about?

A little girl asked her father, “How did the human race come about?” The father answered: “God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so all mankind was made.”

Two days later she asks her mother the same question. The mother answered: “Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them.”

The confused girl returns to her father and says:”Dad, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God and Mama says we developed from monkeys?”

The father answers: “Well dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, and your mother told you about hers.”

After a long night of making love..

After a long night of making love the young guy rolled over, was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man on a desk in the distance.

Naturally, the guy began to worry.

‘Is this your husband?’ he inquired nervously.

‘No, silly,’ she replied, snuggling up to him.

‘Your boyfriend then?’ he asked.

‘No, not at all,’ she said, nibbling away at his ear.

‘Well, who is he then?’ demanded the bewildered guy.

Calmly, the girl replied, ‘That’s me before the operation.’

Asian Predicament

A Cambodian, a Japanese, a Korean, a Chinese, a Burmese, a Philippine, a Vietnamese, a Malaysian, and an Indonesian walked into a bar; but the bartender stopped them.

"I'm sorry," he told them, "but I can't let you in without a Thai!"

Sex After Surgery?

A surgeon went to check on his patient, an attractive blonde, after an operation. She was awake, so he examined her.

"You'll be fine," he said.

"How long will it be before I can have a normal sex life again, doctor?", she asked.

The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed the young woman.

"What's the matter, doctor?" she asked. "I will be alright?"

"Yes," replied the doctor, "you'll be fine. It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils removed."