Expiry Date

Wife: Honey ... What are You Looking for?
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: Nothing? You've been reading our marriage
certificate for an hour!
Husband: I was just looking for the expiration date...

Dating Etiquettes

During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners asks the students, one by one, “Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?” she asked.

“Just a minute, I have to go piss.”

The teacher replied, “That would be rude and impolite! What about you Sam, how would you say it?”

“I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I’ll be right back.”

The teacher responded, “That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the table. And you Johnny, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show your good manners?”

“I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment, I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine whom I hope you’ll get to meet after dinner.”

Lawyers And Charity

A very rich lawyer is approached by a charity organization. The man from the charity is concerned that the lawyer made over $1,000,000.00 last year but didn't donate even a cent to a charity.

"First of all", says the lawyer, "my mother is sick and dying in the hospital, and it's not covered by healthcare. Second, I had five kids through three divorced marriages. Third, my sister's husband suddenly died and she has no one to support her four children..."

"I'm terribly sorry", says the man, "I feel bad about asking for money."

The lawyer responds, "Yeah, well if I'm not giving them any money, why should I give you any?"

Perfect Wife

Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, a good cook, and great in
bed... But the law allows only one wife...

Life Begins At 50!

Q. Where can a 50-year-old woman find a young man who will be interest in her?

A. Try a book store ... under fiction!

Q. What should a man do while his wife is going through menopause?

A. Stay busy. Try finishing the basement. When you're done, you'll have a place to live.

Q. How can you increase your 50-year-old husband's heart rate?

A. Tell him you're pregnant!

Q. Why should 50-year-olds use valet parking?

A. Valets remember where they parked your car!

Knock Knock Alex

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Alex!
Alex who?
Alex Plain later!

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Alex!
Alex who?
Alex the questions round here!

The Broken Doll

Little Emily, the minister's daughter, ran into the house, crying as though her heart would break.

"What's wrong, dear?" asked the pastor.

"My doll! Billy broke it!" she sobbed.

"How did he break it, Emily?"

"I hit him over the head with it."

Reading Of The Will

The relatives of the family's rich dowager gathered for the reading of her will after her long awaited death.

“Being of sound mind,” read the lawyer, “I spent every last cent before I died.”

Why God Made You

God saw me hungry, he created pizza .
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi .
He saw me in dark, he created light .
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.

Don't Want To Go To School

One early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up.
MOM : "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school."
SON : "But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school."
MOM : "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school."
SON : "One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me."
MOM : "Oh! that's not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school."
SON : "Give me two good reasons WHY I should go to school?"
MOM : "One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old and should understand your
responsibilities. Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school.